Today I spent the day alone. Ohhh, poor you, so many people will say. Save it, I love being alone. I crave it, I protect it and I cherish every minute of it.
I don't understand people who have to have others around all the time. If you can't be alone how can you be with others? Or is it just that in this plugged in society, all our validation of self has become dependant on being constantly connected to others?
I like being able to do what I want, when I want. To sew all day, to sit and read a book, to not have to shower or comb my hair, (my dog could care less) to eat when I feel like it or not. I can buy what I want, when I want and I don't have to ask or explain or feel bad because I bought myself something.
I even enjoy traveling alone. I know, you are probably aghast, but until you have traveled half way across the world alone (many times), don't knock it. There is something quite liberating to be able to depend on yourself for whatever you need, be it traveling, remodeling your house or just plain entertaining yourself on a weekend.
I know there are people who think it that is horribly self centered to put themselves first. But my opinion is that if you don't put yourself first you will constantly be trying to find someone else who will, and if you do choose to have a relationship, that puts a tremendous amount of stress on the other person.
We all know a person who thinks that for a relationship to work that they needed to be joined at the hip. Who is constantly on the phone with their "significant other" and who's whole being is tied up in being a couple. Or maybe you are thinking, Hmmm.... what's wrong with that? If you are that person, well, good luck with that. Hope that works out well for you. If it doesn't, remember, you can't learn to be with someone else until you learn to be by yourself. And once you learn to be by yourself, you might just like it enough to want to stay that way.
Sooner or later, most everyone will be alone. Kids grow up and get lives, spouses die, or you get divorced. It is just a life transition and like all other transitions, it is something to embrace and explore.
Now I am not saying that no one should have a relationship, just don't judge a persons happiness on whether or not they do. Someone I know recently gave up her job and moved across country with someone that she feels will be her "sugar daddy" for life. She's spent the last 5 years since she got divorced trying to find another person to take care of her because it is easier to be what someone else wants her to be than to be responsible for herself and her own happiness. When another friend made the remark that "there is still hope for you" (meaning me), I pointed out that if I wanted someone I would have had them years ago!
I like being alone, I have no desire to be involved in another relationship. I don't want to deal with another persons drama, kids, health issues, emotional needs, etc. I like being self-centered. Hey, it took me 20 years to get another dog because of the commitment that comes with having one.
So save your pity, and comments. You don't have to feel sorry for me, I am not just biding time waiting for my next "other". God forbid, if anyone even looks like they might ask me out, I run as fast as I can for the nearest door!
I spent the day in my basement sewing my heart out, listening to Pink Floyd and Alan Parsons Project, singing and occasionally dancing . And totally happy.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Thursday, May 20, 2010
you know you're an old lady when....
Now I am sure there are many "milestones" to being over that middle age hump on the way to seniordom. But for me it was all about a bathing suit.
Now all woman will understand when I say bathing suit shopping is never fun, no matter what your age. I mean, who the hell designs the lighting in fitting rooms? Certainly not a woman. It is horrible.
But I never used to mind, I have always been slim and toned and for years in Florida I sported a thong bathing suit or little boy shorts. Looked good and felt good in a suit. Fast forward 10 years. Still slim but the skin definately doesn't fit like it once did. Not to mention anyone who thinks cellulite is only for the overweight, rejoice, it is an equal opportunity body destroyer!
So I was dreading having to buy a new suit. I haven't worn one in 3 years but it is time so off I went.
I didn't even bother with bikinis, who wants to see a 54 year old body strutting in a bikini. I thought about the "tankini" skirted 2 pieces but I don't know who the tops are made for but I am guessing someone with way more of a gut than I.
So my lifelong friend Deb encourage me to try on a one piece with a pretty print. Ok, not just a one piece but a one piece princess cut skirted suit. Didn't want to, resisted but was running out of options. So I did it. And suprises of suprises. Looked good, actually looked great, hid the dreaded under the butt dimples and makes me look not so skinny. So now I own 2 "old lady" skirted one piece suits!!
My mother once said you know your growing old gracefully when you can buy a swim suit, know you look like hell in it and not give a damn. Haven't hit that point yet, but for me, the old lady suit is one baby step towards realizing I am not 40 anymore!
Long live the old lady suit!
Now all woman will understand when I say bathing suit shopping is never fun, no matter what your age. I mean, who the hell designs the lighting in fitting rooms? Certainly not a woman. It is horrible.
But I never used to mind, I have always been slim and toned and for years in Florida I sported a thong bathing suit or little boy shorts. Looked good and felt good in a suit. Fast forward 10 years. Still slim but the skin definately doesn't fit like it once did. Not to mention anyone who thinks cellulite is only for the overweight, rejoice, it is an equal opportunity body destroyer!
So I was dreading having to buy a new suit. I haven't worn one in 3 years but it is time so off I went.
I didn't even bother with bikinis, who wants to see a 54 year old body strutting in a bikini. I thought about the "tankini" skirted 2 pieces but I don't know who the tops are made for but I am guessing someone with way more of a gut than I.
So my lifelong friend Deb encourage me to try on a one piece with a pretty print. Ok, not just a one piece but a one piece princess cut skirted suit. Didn't want to, resisted but was running out of options. So I did it. And suprises of suprises. Looked good, actually looked great, hid the dreaded under the butt dimples and makes me look not so skinny. So now I own 2 "old lady" skirted one piece suits!!
My mother once said you know your growing old gracefully when you can buy a swim suit, know you look like hell in it and not give a damn. Haven't hit that point yet, but for me, the old lady suit is one baby step towards realizing I am not 40 anymore!
Long live the old lady suit!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
To good friends
Last night I went out with a group of my friends to hear another friends band. Big deal you say, do it all the time.
But what is special about this group of friends is that we have been friends, some of us, since we were 6 years old. (I'll let you do the math).
Some of us have known each other since grade school, some since junior high and some since high school, but the point is that we have known each other for a very, very long time. We are all very different. Two are still married to their high school boyfriends, a couple of us have been married and single for a very long time and one just found her independence from an unhealthy long term relationship and joined us for the first time in a long time. Our life experiences have taken put us on many varied paths from one who has just gotten her first job, to a professional geologist and everything in between. Some have been thru the loss of parents, other experiencing the transition of becoming the caretakers of elderly parents.
I ask you, is there anything better then having a group of people who knew you when? They knew you when you kissed your first boyfriend in 3rd grade. They were with you as a cheerleader, when the school bullies ganged up on you, when you got your first real boyfriend, husband, kids, etc. They remember you as a gawky kid, a skinny teenager and a rebellious twenty something.
Marriages came along, so did kids. Life took us in different directions and before email, we sometimes lost touch with each other except for christmas cards and word of mouth thru one or the other of us. But when it is all said and done, they are the real friends in life. Even thogh you might not see for months, sometimes even years, when you do it is like the time has never passed. And I positively know that if I ever found myself in need of any one of them, they would be there for me, as I would them, in a heartbeat.
I love the fact that as middle aged women we have found ourselves and each other once again. We can laugh at our wrinkles, and sagging asses. We can oh and ah over grand kids. We can compare notes about middle age dating misadventures. But what is so very cool is that we have all turned into awesome, independant and beautfiul women. We go out and have fun letting loose in a way that we never would have in our youth. We don't care if anyone laughs at us or thinks we are crazy. We are. We are crazy with the freedom to be our own women in the company of girls who knew us when!
To all of you "girls". I love you and cherish your friendship that after a literal lifetime you are once again and still in my life. You are all FABULOUS!
But what is special about this group of friends is that we have been friends, some of us, since we were 6 years old. (I'll let you do the math).
Some of us have known each other since grade school, some since junior high and some since high school, but the point is that we have known each other for a very, very long time. We are all very different. Two are still married to their high school boyfriends, a couple of us have been married and single for a very long time and one just found her independence from an unhealthy long term relationship and joined us for the first time in a long time. Our life experiences have taken put us on many varied paths from one who has just gotten her first job, to a professional geologist and everything in between. Some have been thru the loss of parents, other experiencing the transition of becoming the caretakers of elderly parents.
I ask you, is there anything better then having a group of people who knew you when? They knew you when you kissed your first boyfriend in 3rd grade. They were with you as a cheerleader, when the school bullies ganged up on you, when you got your first real boyfriend, husband, kids, etc. They remember you as a gawky kid, a skinny teenager and a rebellious twenty something.
Marriages came along, so did kids. Life took us in different directions and before email, we sometimes lost touch with each other except for christmas cards and word of mouth thru one or the other of us. But when it is all said and done, they are the real friends in life. Even thogh you might not see for months, sometimes even years, when you do it is like the time has never passed. And I positively know that if I ever found myself in need of any one of them, they would be there for me, as I would them, in a heartbeat.
I love the fact that as middle aged women we have found ourselves and each other once again. We can laugh at our wrinkles, and sagging asses. We can oh and ah over grand kids. We can compare notes about middle age dating misadventures. But what is so very cool is that we have all turned into awesome, independant and beautfiul women. We go out and have fun letting loose in a way that we never would have in our youth. We don't care if anyone laughs at us or thinks we are crazy. We are. We are crazy with the freedom to be our own women in the company of girls who knew us when!
To all of you "girls". I love you and cherish your friendship that after a literal lifetime you are once again and still in my life. You are all FABULOUS!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The power of power tools
Ifyou read my last blog you remember the clogged drain. I tried all day to get someone out here to fix it, but I guess no one needs the work, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I mean, I have plumbed many a sink, surely I can get one unplugged. So off I go to home depot.
Since I had tried the drain opener and it didn't work I went to the tool rental center to rent a drain snake. And this wasn't just any drain snake, it was a POWER drain snake. Oh, be still my pattering heart. So after lugging it to the car, up the steps and into the kitchen,(the darn thing was really heavy) and after many more trips to the garage for tools, flashlights, etc. I was ready to dis-assemble the drain and start the adventure.
Now I don't know if you've ever snaked a drain, but it is DISGUSTING, I mean nasty, nasty, disgusting. But after 25 feet of cable (all there was) I pulled it back in and let me tell you, if what was on the end of that snake was even close to what was clogging that drain, not suprised it wasn't draining.
So after holding my breath, and many swear words about how icky the crap on my hands was, I ran the water. and ran it and ran it. SUCCESS!! It drained. Can I describe the power (not to mention the smell)?
Now I have done a lot of home improvements, but the sound of that water going down the pipes and knowing that I did it, was a crowning achievment in home improvements.
Yes, I have a new love affair and his name is "power snake" LOL
Since I had tried the drain opener and it didn't work I went to the tool rental center to rent a drain snake. And this wasn't just any drain snake, it was a POWER drain snake. Oh, be still my pattering heart. So after lugging it to the car, up the steps and into the kitchen,(the darn thing was really heavy) and after many more trips to the garage for tools, flashlights, etc. I was ready to dis-assemble the drain and start the adventure.
Now I don't know if you've ever snaked a drain, but it is DISGUSTING, I mean nasty, nasty, disgusting. But after 25 feet of cable (all there was) I pulled it back in and let me tell you, if what was on the end of that snake was even close to what was clogging that drain, not suprised it wasn't draining.
So after holding my breath, and many swear words about how icky the crap on my hands was, I ran the water. and ran it and ran it. SUCCESS!! It drained. Can I describe the power (not to mention the smell)?
Now I have done a lot of home improvements, but the sound of that water going down the pipes and knowing that I did it, was a crowning achievment in home improvements.
Yes, I have a new love affair and his name is "power snake" LOL
Why I don't cook
Ok, so anyone who knows me knows that I don't cook. Not that I can't cook. I just don't. There is nothing about the experience that I enjoy. Plus, for one person, I would rather throw a pizza in my pizza oven and be done it 10 minutes with no effort. I mean, even having to open multiple packets and mix ingredients together is more than I am willing to do.
But every once in a while I get a hankering for some good tortellini and sauce. Today was one of those days. So after braving walmart on the first saturday of the month, (a whole 'nother subject for a blog) I got everything I needed and embarked on dinner.
I sauteed the sausage, diced the tomatoes, onions, mushrooms. Watched as it simmered into perfection, boiled the spinach tortellini, cooked the biscuits to go along. It was progressing quite nicely, smelled divine and was spiced to perfection.
I drained the pasta and as I was draining it I noticed that the water level in the sink was not dropping, in fact, it was becoming very clear that my sink was not draining. What the ?. Oh yes, the sink is clogged. So I have a perfect dinner, with many dirty pans and a clogged sink. Talk about a sure dinner killer. So before I could even enjoy my dinner I had to run to the hardware store and get some drain cleaner. Didn't work. So now I get to enjoy dinner all day via the icky pasta water in my sink, until the drain guy can get here.
Frozen pizza-3 bucks, home cooked meal 145.00. Think next time I get a hunger for tortellini I'll go out to eat!
But every once in a while I get a hankering for some good tortellini and sauce. Today was one of those days. So after braving walmart on the first saturday of the month, (a whole 'nother subject for a blog) I got everything I needed and embarked on dinner.
I sauteed the sausage, diced the tomatoes, onions, mushrooms. Watched as it simmered into perfection, boiled the spinach tortellini, cooked the biscuits to go along. It was progressing quite nicely, smelled divine and was spiced to perfection.
I drained the pasta and as I was draining it I noticed that the water level in the sink was not dropping, in fact, it was becoming very clear that my sink was not draining. What the ?. Oh yes, the sink is clogged. So I have a perfect dinner, with many dirty pans and a clogged sink. Talk about a sure dinner killer. So before I could even enjoy my dinner I had to run to the hardware store and get some drain cleaner. Didn't work. So now I get to enjoy dinner all day via the icky pasta water in my sink, until the drain guy can get here.
Frozen pizza-3 bucks, home cooked meal 145.00. Think next time I get a hunger for tortellini I'll go out to eat!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
compassion
Something I read yesterday started me thinking about compassion. Is it something we can only feel when we are doing better than those we are feeling compassion for?
Is it OK to not feel sorry for someone losing their job when you are unemployed? Is it OK to secretly feel that you hope they now feel what you have been going through? I guess that is something we have to answer for and to ourselves.
So what is the real reason that people do nice things for other people. Is it because we want others to praise us for it and think we are a good person because we do? Is it because it makes us feel better than them to be able to do something for them? If we are truly compassionate, our own circumstances should have nothing to do with how we feel about anther's situation. If someone is truly altruistic not having doesn't stop them from giving.
Does our own misfortune give us license to not have to feel bad about somone elses? Does the day in and out drama of trying to survive in life make us immune to others troubles?
Or is there a difference between feeling compassion and feeling sorry for people?
That I can relate to. Now I feel sorry for people who lose their jobs and I always feel that there but for the grace of God go I. I don't feel sorry for people who lose their houses because they bought houses they couldn't afford at inflated prices because they had to have more than they really needed. Does that make me a mean person? I don't think so. I have always been very careful to live within my means, foregoing luxuries that others had to be able to know, if I did lose my job, I wouldn't lose my home. I expect others to be responsible also and in fact I kind of resent it when someone trips thru life expecting others to bail them out no matter how bad they screw up.
But I DO feel compassion for the mother who just lost their child, or the family who just lost their father or mother. I feel compassion for the people who struggle against insurmountable odds to live a life in a body that fails them, who live with horrendous pain that makes each day an indescribable horror. These are that I can't make better, no amount of money is going to bring back a loved one, or make the pain go away. All I have to offer those people is my heart. And that is not dependant on how much money I make or my own situation in life. It is, however, dependant on who I am as a person, and while I may not be the most helpful person on the planet I would like to think that no matter my situation, I will still be able to feel compassion. And hopefully, Though I may not be able to step in an help out financially, I will always be able to offer a shoulder for a friend who is having a difficult time no matter my own situation.
Is it OK to not feel sorry for someone losing their job when you are unemployed? Is it OK to secretly feel that you hope they now feel what you have been going through? I guess that is something we have to answer for and to ourselves.
So what is the real reason that people do nice things for other people. Is it because we want others to praise us for it and think we are a good person because we do? Is it because it makes us feel better than them to be able to do something for them? If we are truly compassionate, our own circumstances should have nothing to do with how we feel about anther's situation. If someone is truly altruistic not having doesn't stop them from giving.
Does our own misfortune give us license to not have to feel bad about somone elses? Does the day in and out drama of trying to survive in life make us immune to others troubles?
Or is there a difference between feeling compassion and feeling sorry for people?
That I can relate to. Now I feel sorry for people who lose their jobs and I always feel that there but for the grace of God go I. I don't feel sorry for people who lose their houses because they bought houses they couldn't afford at inflated prices because they had to have more than they really needed. Does that make me a mean person? I don't think so. I have always been very careful to live within my means, foregoing luxuries that others had to be able to know, if I did lose my job, I wouldn't lose my home. I expect others to be responsible also and in fact I kind of resent it when someone trips thru life expecting others to bail them out no matter how bad they screw up.
But I DO feel compassion for the mother who just lost their child, or the family who just lost their father or mother. I feel compassion for the people who struggle against insurmountable odds to live a life in a body that fails them, who live with horrendous pain that makes each day an indescribable horror. These are that I can't make better, no amount of money is going to bring back a loved one, or make the pain go away. All I have to offer those people is my heart. And that is not dependant on how much money I make or my own situation in life. It is, however, dependant on who I am as a person, and while I may not be the most helpful person on the planet I would like to think that no matter my situation, I will still be able to feel compassion. And hopefully, Though I may not be able to step in an help out financially, I will always be able to offer a shoulder for a friend who is having a difficult time no matter my own situation.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
in praise of new luggage
I am so excited. I just got new luggage! Now I am sure you all are saying "what in the heck is so exciting about luggage"!
Well, it's not just new luggage, it is a matched set of Tiganello luggage with red leather trim. It is well made and it is beautiful. A mercedes of luggage. Once again, you are probably saying big deal. But to me, having a good, matched set of luggage is tantamount to saying to myself that I have arrived! It is a symbol to me, like a mercedes or a huge honking diamond. It says, look at me, I have it together and I am cool. Ok, maybe I am not a tycoon, and certainly not together, but while I am pulling that luggage I can pretend. I can be an heiress jetting away for a vacation, I can be a CEO going to an important meeting. I can be whomever I want with that luggage in tow.
I remember when I was a teenager, being at the airport and seeing a woman with a matched set of really great luggage and thinking that she must be really successful. I mean, everyone else had mis-matched, black, blah luggage and here was this woman looking very smart with her great luggage. Right then I said that if I ever traveled I would get a nice set. Well, I used to travel for work and I bought a nice set of luggage. It was brown/black zebra tapestry and it was as cool as I could do on what I made at the time. Little did I know that luggage would see me thru 3 trips to Europe, 3 cruises and too many road trips to count. It finally bit the big one after a cruise this year. Could I get it fixed, probably, but it has earned the right to rest.
So I decided before I go to Greece this year it was time to invest in a really good set that will probably outlast me. Enter the beautiful new luggage.
I feel kind of bad setting it next to the old set. I mean, that luggage has been a work horse, and having been an ex replaced by an 18 year younger new wife, I know how that luggage must feel!
But I can't help being excited. I keep opening it up and looking at the integrated shoe pockets, the little packs that snap into the lining to keep them from moving around, I pull out the handles that operate so smoothly. I can't wait to pack my first items in it and go to the airport. Now I get to be that woman that others look at, the woman that makes a teenage girl look and hope that someday she can be successful and have a matched set of luggage!
Well, it's not just new luggage, it is a matched set of Tiganello luggage with red leather trim. It is well made and it is beautiful. A mercedes of luggage. Once again, you are probably saying big deal. But to me, having a good, matched set of luggage is tantamount to saying to myself that I have arrived! It is a symbol to me, like a mercedes or a huge honking diamond. It says, look at me, I have it together and I am cool. Ok, maybe I am not a tycoon, and certainly not together, but while I am pulling that luggage I can pretend. I can be an heiress jetting away for a vacation, I can be a CEO going to an important meeting. I can be whomever I want with that luggage in tow.
I remember when I was a teenager, being at the airport and seeing a woman with a matched set of really great luggage and thinking that she must be really successful. I mean, everyone else had mis-matched, black, blah luggage and here was this woman looking very smart with her great luggage. Right then I said that if I ever traveled I would get a nice set. Well, I used to travel for work and I bought a nice set of luggage. It was brown/black zebra tapestry and it was as cool as I could do on what I made at the time. Little did I know that luggage would see me thru 3 trips to Europe, 3 cruises and too many road trips to count. It finally bit the big one after a cruise this year. Could I get it fixed, probably, but it has earned the right to rest.
So I decided before I go to Greece this year it was time to invest in a really good set that will probably outlast me. Enter the beautiful new luggage.
I feel kind of bad setting it next to the old set. I mean, that luggage has been a work horse, and having been an ex replaced by an 18 year younger new wife, I know how that luggage must feel!
But I can't help being excited. I keep opening it up and looking at the integrated shoe pockets, the little packs that snap into the lining to keep them from moving around, I pull out the handles that operate so smoothly. I can't wait to pack my first items in it and go to the airport. Now I get to be that woman that others look at, the woman that makes a teenage girl look and hope that someday she can be successful and have a matched set of luggage!
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