being single...

Ok, so as I'm going thru the comments the other day I noticed the one that someone thought was obviously going to be a dire prediciton, "you better plan on being single for the rest of your life"!

Now I ask you, what the hell is wrong with that? I mean, is being with someone who abuses you, cheats on you, gambles all your money away, or is just plain an ass to you somehow better because you aren't alone? Does being with a loser somehow make you a winner?
I used to own several nail salons and spent, I figured out one time, almost 32,000 hours in one on one conversation with women. The one thing I took away from all this, is that for the most part, we can't be alone. We are raised to think that in order to be "complete" or "successful" we have to have a man. After all, only a loser can't find a guy. If you are single there must be something wrong with you.

Now granted, that was 13 years ago and there are so many more single women around now and the mentality is starting to shift as more and more women CHOOSE to be single, never having married. Aghast, yes, CHOOSE to not share their life with someone who is not going to make it a better place. But when I look around me at the single friends I have, for the most part, they are still in search of a man and everyone they date becomes a hopeful mate, whether they are suitable or not.

So I wonder, is there something that genetically pre-disposes us to feeling we need a man in our lives? Or is it that we are just so scared of being alone or of what everyone will think if we don't have a man? Have we been socially conditioned thru media to believe that life can't be full without the "hero" to save us and take care of us? Are we conditioned to think being co-dependant is a GOOD thing?

Take a look at the women you know. How many would truly say they are happy or would marry again if something happened to their husband? At lunch one day, out of the 8 women at our table no one said they would marry again. Hmm... I wonder what they would do though if they were actually faced with being alone.
I told a friend when she got divorced years ago, that if she wanted to have another relationship that she should do it before she got used to being single. (yes, you know who you are!). Because once you actually embrace being single, being able to come and go as you please, not having to share the bed, eat when you feel like it (and what you feel like eating), and best of all, buy those new shoes, dress, trip to Italy without having to ask or listen to the grief. whoo hoo... being single is such a hardship.

Now I have been married, twice as a matter of fact. First time my husband turned out to be scizophrenic and delusional and obviously had been on meds when I met him but decided he didn't need them once he had me in his life to take care of him. Wrong, got my own issues to deal with. The second time, well, nice guy but I was dealing with (or better put, not dealing with) 4 years of severe physical abuse as a teenager and he was dealing with guilt over not being a live in father, so when he cheated on me there was no reason to keep pretending I was happy, so that was over. So I am not making these observations from a lifetime of being single although at this point, I have been divorced twice as many years as I was married total. Funny, the single years have gone alot faster than the married parts.

To be fair, when I first got divorced I thought I had to get back into a relationship (actually I am still "best friends" with that person. But thank god they were smart enough to realize that it wasn't what I needed. And I have dated here and there, but as the years go by I feel less and less inclined to even attempt dating. (see first blog) Why bother, I know I don't want someone in my space. I am a died thru and thru loner and have finally stopped feeling like I have to feel bad about it.

Now that's not to say there aren't some good relationships out there, but if they were the norm instead of the exception we wouldn't have so many unhappy women and such a high divorce rate. My parents have been married for 54 years, but I can guarantee my mom would say (in fact, she has) that she would never have gotten married if she had known.
So am I happy alone. YOU BET. Love it, I travel to Europe once a year, hog the bed, wear my sweats all day on the weekend without showering and can spend the whole weekend reading on my deck if I feel like it. I can buy killer boots when I feel like it and I always have intelligent conversation and the responses are never argumentative.
What, I ask you is there not be happy about!